Why would someone who feels deeply, who tries to be understanding of and to please others, suffer from low self-esteem? Aren’t those traits, along with many others shared by most highly sensitive people, beneficial to the self and to the world?
My answer is that, yes, those are beneficial characteristics and the highly sensitive have great contributions to make. But these traits often come with a price until their owner recognizes their value:
Many highly sensitive people have the triple challenge of learning about themselves, educating non-sensitives and navigating a world in which they’re a new and unknown entity.
Being different from the majority is often reason enough to feel that you don’t belong. And if you feel left out, there are others who will also consider you “different.” And being “different” is often a codeword for odd and an excuse to exclude you and possibly diminish you.
Feeling like an outsider, even if others don’t obviously treat you like one, can lead to a lonely existence.
We might hide our opinions and limit our expression of our emotions because we’re afraid of inviting ridicule or misunderstanding from others. Instead of celebrating who we are, we hide it.
Because not fitting in often equates to feeling less than, we unknowingly emit that message to the world. Even if we know intellectually that we have talents and abilities, our personal emotional history includes painful experiences. To someone who is highly sensitive, emotional pain is stronger and happens more often. The stored memories of all that pain can easily add to our wanting to stay small and hidden.
Another challenge is that our energetic message of not being enough attracts people who want us to rescue them. Their insecurities seek out people who are understanding and kind, people whose own energy is pulled inward. These aggressive people respond to us by pushing their harsher and stronger unmet needs towards us. Until we learn to protect ourselves with healthy boundaries, we can be overrun by the force of their behavior. Our desire to be helpful also plays into their needs.
The solution, then, for the highly sensitive person who feels unworthy and marginalized, who wears masks so they can have some acceptance by the people they interact with, is two-fold:
First, we need to get to know ourselves really well. That includes digging deep to expose and purge those ideas we have about our being second class people. This is a life-long project, but I hope you agree that it’s worth your time and effort. If you commit to it, you reach a point where calmness and wisdom become more dominant than the confusion and fear. You get a taste of the freedom that’s possible.
I’ve written a series of articles describing the 5 practices I’ve been using to explore and heal my inner world. Out of everything I’ve experienced and learned over the years, the two biggest lessons are that everything about my life has its roots within, and that there is always more to learn. The series of articles begins here.
Next, we need to recognize the benefits of and value of our sensitivity. As we remove the harmful beliefs we’ve been carrying around with us, we create space for new ones. We have opportunities to explore and to discover ways of living that are more beneficial and meaningful for us. Let your depth of feeling guide you.
And let your curiosity play a bigger role in your life. Depending on where you are on your self-discovery journey, you may feel frustrated or anxious. There are examples everywhere of people who have overcome challenges and obstacles of all kinds – look for them and be inspired by them. When you’re ready for the next step, ask to be shown what you can do.
You’ve got something propelling you forward. Feed it.
All you need to do is to keep exploring. Each simple act of reaching out will create new opportunities for you. Thoughts are powerful. Allow yourself to consider that you can be a person of both high sensitivity and high self-esteem.
My answer is that, yes, those are beneficial characteristics and the highly sensitive have great contributions to make. But these traits often come with a price until their owner recognizes their value:
- High sensitivity is becoming better known, but it’s still a relatively new concept and is unknown to the general public
- Feeling misunderstood by others, including family and friends and colleagues
- Living in a world where the non-sensitive majority of people have set the rules for behavior
- Adapting to sensitivity to physical sensations that surround many of us in the modern world – noise, bright lights, etc
- Having weak boundaries and filters for other people’s behavior
- Wear and tear of having high intensity experiences in general
- Experiencing effects of absorbing other people’s feelings
- Wanting recognition but also wanting to avoid the spotlight
Many highly sensitive people have the triple challenge of learning about themselves, educating non-sensitives and navigating a world in which they’re a new and unknown entity.
Being different from the majority is often reason enough to feel that you don’t belong. And if you feel left out, there are others who will also consider you “different.” And being “different” is often a codeword for odd and an excuse to exclude you and possibly diminish you.
Feeling like an outsider, even if others don’t obviously treat you like one, can lead to a lonely existence.
We might hide our opinions and limit our expression of our emotions because we’re afraid of inviting ridicule or misunderstanding from others. Instead of celebrating who we are, we hide it.
Because not fitting in often equates to feeling less than, we unknowingly emit that message to the world. Even if we know intellectually that we have talents and abilities, our personal emotional history includes painful experiences. To someone who is highly sensitive, emotional pain is stronger and happens more often. The stored memories of all that pain can easily add to our wanting to stay small and hidden.
Another challenge is that our energetic message of not being enough attracts people who want us to rescue them. Their insecurities seek out people who are understanding and kind, people whose own energy is pulled inward. These aggressive people respond to us by pushing their harsher and stronger unmet needs towards us. Until we learn to protect ourselves with healthy boundaries, we can be overrun by the force of their behavior. Our desire to be helpful also plays into their needs.
The solution, then, for the highly sensitive person who feels unworthy and marginalized, who wears masks so they can have some acceptance by the people they interact with, is two-fold:
First, we need to get to know ourselves really well. That includes digging deep to expose and purge those ideas we have about our being second class people. This is a life-long project, but I hope you agree that it’s worth your time and effort. If you commit to it, you reach a point where calmness and wisdom become more dominant than the confusion and fear. You get a taste of the freedom that’s possible.
I’ve written a series of articles describing the 5 practices I’ve been using to explore and heal my inner world. Out of everything I’ve experienced and learned over the years, the two biggest lessons are that everything about my life has its roots within, and that there is always more to learn. The series of articles begins here.
Next, we need to recognize the benefits of and value of our sensitivity. As we remove the harmful beliefs we’ve been carrying around with us, we create space for new ones. We have opportunities to explore and to discover ways of living that are more beneficial and meaningful for us. Let your depth of feeling guide you.
And let your curiosity play a bigger role in your life. Depending on where you are on your self-discovery journey, you may feel frustrated or anxious. There are examples everywhere of people who have overcome challenges and obstacles of all kinds – look for them and be inspired by them. When you’re ready for the next step, ask to be shown what you can do.
You’ve got something propelling you forward. Feed it.
All you need to do is to keep exploring. Each simple act of reaching out will create new opportunities for you. Thoughts are powerful. Allow yourself to consider that you can be a person of both high sensitivity and high self-esteem.
Please leave a comment below or you can reach me via my Contact Me page.
Return to my list of articles here.
You may want to read: If You're a Sensitive Person, Creating Boundaries is a Necessity. You can find it here.
The content of this article is informational only. I am not a licensed counselor or therapist and I do not provide medical or psychiatric advice. None of the information provided is intended to treat or diagnose any health condition.
© karen elena james 2021
Return to my list of articles here.
You may want to read: If You're a Sensitive Person, Creating Boundaries is a Necessity. You can find it here.
The content of this article is informational only. I am not a licensed counselor or therapist and I do not provide medical or psychiatric advice. None of the information provided is intended to treat or diagnose any health condition.
© karen elena james 2021