Change requires us to allow something new and unknown into our life.
We often resist newness because the familiar seems to give us safety and security, even if it's unpleasant or stagnant.
We crave security so much because we want to know our future - we want to know what will happen to us and that we'll have what we need. As long as we keep doing what we've always done, we'll at least know what to expect.
But at some point, we realize that we need more than security - new experiences are calling to us.
It's a huge shift within to accept that we'll be able to live with the unknown, that we're capable of surviving new experiences and situations.
It's about learning to trust ourselves. This trust is within, it's not about money in the bank or owning a house because those things can disappear - and that possibility stokes our fear of change.
What could I lose if I do something different? We decide change isn't worth the risk because the unknown future might be difficult or worse than what we have now.
These fears are held deeply and are reinforced constantly - by the news, by our experiences that we don't like and by what we witness in others.
When the pull of new experiences or your dissatisfaction with your current life becomes strong enough, you're ready to find out what's at the root of your fears. When you begin to question the status quo, you get onto the path of discovering that real security is trust in yourself. You realize that trying to control your surroundings can be more of a trap than a way to stay safe.
We often resist newness because the familiar seems to give us safety and security, even if it's unpleasant or stagnant.
We crave security so much because we want to know our future - we want to know what will happen to us and that we'll have what we need. As long as we keep doing what we've always done, we'll at least know what to expect.
But at some point, we realize that we need more than security - new experiences are calling to us.
It's a huge shift within to accept that we'll be able to live with the unknown, that we're capable of surviving new experiences and situations.
It's about learning to trust ourselves. This trust is within, it's not about money in the bank or owning a house because those things can disappear - and that possibility stokes our fear of change.
What could I lose if I do something different? We decide change isn't worth the risk because the unknown future might be difficult or worse than what we have now.
These fears are held deeply and are reinforced constantly - by the news, by our experiences that we don't like and by what we witness in others.
When the pull of new experiences or your dissatisfaction with your current life becomes strong enough, you're ready to find out what's at the root of your fears. When you begin to question the status quo, you get onto the path of discovering that real security is trust in yourself. You realize that trying to control your surroundings can be more of a trap than a way to stay safe.
What is this path of self-discovery about? It's about learning to welcome change. It's about exploring and accepting that some of our choices won't turn out the way we wanted, and that's okay. It's about acknowledging that life will continue to include difficulties, and that's okay too.
For me, it was about realizing that I had been living someone else's life - a life that included too many fears and attitudes that belonged to other people. My goal was to get really clear about my values; they had always there but some of them were hiding because I didn't feel strong enough to overcome pressures to conform. As I decided what kind of person I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life, my belief in my values showed me how much internal strength I really had. I was able to substitute my way of living for the subservient role I had learned.
My wake-up call had been to recognize how much outside influences had become part of my life and that they continued to lead me by the nose into situations I didn't want.
Getting a new perspective on our relationships and living environment can be difficult. But it allows us to determine which people and situations fit into our idea of the person we want to be and the life we want to lead. One of the resources that helped me detach from unhealthy situations was this well-know section of The Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr:
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.
Letting go of anger and fear that are the basis for so much anxiety and unhappiness, we replace those lower energies with more beneficial traits. By becoming a better person, we automatically contribute higher values such as kindness, tolerance, integrity to the world.
It's worth noting, however, that the timing of this transformation is not under our control. We can signal our readiness to grow, but the process of change unfolds step by step. As we complete one life lesson, we’re given the opportunity to learn another.
To sum up, if you’re reading this, you’ve already begun your exploration. I hope you’ll continue, even when it’s difficult. There’ll be times when it seems like nothing is happening, but it’s only in your outer world that life seems stagnant.
Find resources that support your journey and keep focused on your goal of a happier and healthier life. More guidance will come to you. Go within (via reflection or meditation or another method) and ask to be told if you’re stuck in a particular area of your life, if there is something you’re not “seeing.” It’s difficult to be patient, but believe that your life is unfolding in ways that are right for you.
Here's a suggestion. You may have noticed that writers of stories include one challenge after another for their characters. This makes their story more interesting by keeping the reader engaged and emotionally involved with the characters.
If you can view your life this way - as a series of situations that teach you something about yourself – then you may find it easier to keep pursuing the next step in your personal growth.
For me, it was about realizing that I had been living someone else's life - a life that included too many fears and attitudes that belonged to other people. My goal was to get really clear about my values; they had always there but some of them were hiding because I didn't feel strong enough to overcome pressures to conform. As I decided what kind of person I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life, my belief in my values showed me how much internal strength I really had. I was able to substitute my way of living for the subservient role I had learned.
My wake-up call had been to recognize how much outside influences had become part of my life and that they continued to lead me by the nose into situations I didn't want.
Getting a new perspective on our relationships and living environment can be difficult. But it allows us to determine which people and situations fit into our idea of the person we want to be and the life we want to lead. One of the resources that helped me detach from unhealthy situations was this well-know section of The Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr:
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.
Letting go of anger and fear that are the basis for so much anxiety and unhappiness, we replace those lower energies with more beneficial traits. By becoming a better person, we automatically contribute higher values such as kindness, tolerance, integrity to the world.
It's worth noting, however, that the timing of this transformation is not under our control. We can signal our readiness to grow, but the process of change unfolds step by step. As we complete one life lesson, we’re given the opportunity to learn another.
To sum up, if you’re reading this, you’ve already begun your exploration. I hope you’ll continue, even when it’s difficult. There’ll be times when it seems like nothing is happening, but it’s only in your outer world that life seems stagnant.
Find resources that support your journey and keep focused on your goal of a happier and healthier life. More guidance will come to you. Go within (via reflection or meditation or another method) and ask to be told if you’re stuck in a particular area of your life, if there is something you’re not “seeing.” It’s difficult to be patient, but believe that your life is unfolding in ways that are right for you.
Here's a suggestion. You may have noticed that writers of stories include one challenge after another for their characters. This makes their story more interesting by keeping the reader engaged and emotionally involved with the characters.
If you can view your life this way - as a series of situations that teach you something about yourself – then you may find it easier to keep pursuing the next step in your personal growth.
Please leave a comment below or you can reach me via my Contact Me page.
Return to my list of articles here.
You may want to read my series of articles: Foundational Practices for Creating a Life That Works For You - Learn to Follow Your Inner Voice You can find them here.
The content of this article is informational only. I am not a licensed counselor or therapist and I do not provide medical or psychiatric advice. None of the information provided is intended to treat or diagnose any health condition.
© karen elena james 2021
Return to my list of articles here.
You may want to read my series of articles: Foundational Practices for Creating a Life That Works For You - Learn to Follow Your Inner Voice You can find them here.
The content of this article is informational only. I am not a licensed counselor or therapist and I do not provide medical or psychiatric advice. None of the information provided is intended to treat or diagnose any health condition.
© karen elena james 2021