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karen elena james
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    • 13 Techniques to Overcome Feeling Socially Awkward
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    • Your People Pleasing Keeps Others Happy; What Does It Do For You?
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When being nice is unhealthy

9/25/2020

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This is a behavior often misunderstood by those who want to be a good person and are trying to be helpful and compassionate.

It's obviously a good thing to want to be kind and considerate. And to be understanding of people who are in distress, including, sometimes, those who behave badly. You want to be tolerant of their predicament.

This becomes a problem for you when you become an enabler and allow someone to take advantage or otherwise be harmful. Adults are responsible for their own behavior unless they aren't capable of doing so. If they fail to work on their issues, that's their responsibility not yours.

It can be difficult and painful to watch them struggle. You may feel their pain intensely. But some people will never resolve their issues, despite your efforts. 

Remember that your wellbeing has value beyond being an enabler or a martyr. It's in your best interest to set and maintain boundaries. And there may be unpleasant consequences. 

Only you can decide how you want to interact with them. Depending on the situation, you will eventually have to ask yourself how much longer you're willing to place your own health in jeopardy.
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    karen elena james

    miscellaneous thoughts on sensitivity, ending self-doubt and creating life experiences that you want to have
     

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  • Home
  • Articles
    • 13 Techniques to Overcome Feeling Socially Awkward
    • Stop feeling small & self-critical and learn self-acceptance
    • Your People Pleasing Keeps Others Happy; What Does It Do For You?
    • If you're a sensitive person, creating boundaries is a necessity
    • The Complicated Path of Healing From a Dysfunctional Family
    • 9 Ways to Build Resilience
    • Is your self-worth dependent on external validation?
    • 7 ways to stop feeling like a victim
    • Self-care For Relationship Changes During Personal Growth
  • Wisdom
  • About
  • Free Resources
    • Boundaries Guide
    • Breathing to Reduce Stress
    • Bodhisattva Prayer for Humanity
    • Footprints in the Sand
    • The Velveteen Rabbit
    • Maybe, Maybe Not
    • 10 Guided Meditations for Wellness - a curated list
    • Honoring the Four Directions
    • The Guest House
    • A Simple Meditation & Reflection Practice
    • Ithaca
    • A Prayer For Self Love
    • Where the Sidewalk Ends
    • Words to Express How You Feel
    • Create Your Personal Sanctuary
    • Fight Flight Freeze vs Rest
    • Chakras
    • What Makes You Happy Checklist
    • Intro to Awareness
  • Free Course
    • 5 Practices Course
  • Contact Me