I recently experienced a couple major changes in relationships. One was a friendship where my friend and I took different paths that were no longer compatible. The other was my leaving a group of people with a similar interest.
The first change was my decision and happened gradually over many months. The second one was prompted by someone else and was sudden.
I felt sad about both endings and allowed myself to mourn them. Crying is an excellent way to allow emotions to flow, literally.
I tend to dislike change, in general. So many times in the past, I stayed in situations that I knew were no longer right for me. Either I convinced myself that the alternatives wouldn’t be better or that I had to stay because I was afraid of losing the safety it provided, even though I was unhappy.
Inertia can be extremely difficult to break. Our fears and well-entrenched patterns keep us firmly in place. Fortunately, after many years of working on my emotional healing and growth,
I completely accept that change is a natural part of life, like it or not. There’s no fighting it.
Whether I realized it or not, I played a role in changes to my life no matter whose decision it appeared to be. I’ve clung to the status quo, ignoring all the signs that I needed to move on. During those times, I reached a point where the decision was made for me. At other times, I overcame my general dislike of change and I let go. I faced my fears and doubts and jumped.
I’ve also learned that how I react to change is up to me, especially those that I try to avoid. That’s because I believe that my life energy is my true self. It’s also part of a greater whole. I can choose to flow with the changes within and around me or I can try to fight them.
Either way, the changes will occur because life isn’t static.
There are many ways to define life but two of its recognized principles are the capacity to grow and the ability to act. Because I believe that I am more than my physical body, “I” will always have those two characteristics. And as I become more in sync with that belief, I have less stress in my life. And less stress means greater health for me and everyone else.
If your heart is damaged or you feel stuck and frustrated and worried, you may not be as aware of good experiences in your life. Unhappy experiences and the resulting feelings are heavy and dense and can take over our life if we don't keep them in check.
Or your life may be filled with work and obligations. Your mind is filled with thoughts of everything you need to do and you don't even consider relaxing.
I recommend learning to pay attention to all the feelings you have that are good. Look for them because they may be subtle.
If you're lucky to have a supportive group of family and friends, then you'll need to communicate with them. Even those close to us, however empathic and intuitive, still need to hear what's troubling us. And we need to express our feelings.
There are other connections that take place in our life. It may be a very brief encounter with a friendly stranger (or their pet), being outdoors, watching films or listening to music. Maybe you read or witness something that touches your heart. If you're not recognizing these events, try to pay more attention. Give them the importance they deserve, that you deserve.
Notice your feelings in all these instances. Describe them. Do you feel warmth, openness, lightness? Do you feel like crying?
When we're aware of these small events and how we're affected, we build up our supply of joy. And this helps us to gain balance with the negativity in our life. It may even surpass the negativity in our life if we can shift our overall perspective.
If it helps you, write down these experiences so you remember them - the experiences and your feelings. There may be more of them than you realize.
Maybe you're angry at someone else for the way they treated you but you don't feel that you can confront them about it. Maybe it's a supervisor with the backing of all their higher-ups. Or your safety may be an issue.
Or maybe you're angry at yourself for having tolerated bad behavior from others. Especially if you've been doing this for years because you've never felt comfortable confronting your abusers. You may not even know how to tell them that their words or actions hurt or offended you.
What can you do? First of all, your feelings are legitimate. Don't automatically dismiss your anger by telling yourself that you must always be kind to and tolerant of others.
If you're often angry, that's a big clue that something needs to be investigated. What is making you angry? You need to understand the source of your reaction. Do consider how you react. People can get into trouble by expressing their anger in harmful ways - to themselves or to others.
But you can also damage your health if you always bury your anger. It's best to identify why you feel that way.
The past is over - unless you're replaying history repeatedly. If that's the case (and it isn't something of a legal nature), sit with the original event, notice why you felt powerless at that time and then bring in your current knowledge and wisdom. You're a different person now, so why are you stuck in the past? This is an indication that something hasn't been healed.
If someone's bad behavior is current, first note that you have options. Brainstorm the possibilities, even if they take time to complete.
Concentrate on transforming your anger into ideas.
If you need to heal old wounds, do the inner work.
If you need to reduce contact with a family member or acquaintance, do it.
If you need to learn how to tell people you feel offended or left out, do it.
If you need to learn that your feelings matter, do it.
If you need to find a job where you feel more respected, do it.
Your life is being affected by your anger. Give yourself time, but keep searching and acting on information that will help you safely and respectfully handle other people's bad behavior. Remember that your handling of these matters comes from within.
Ultimately, getting to know ourself at our core and strengthening ourself within is the solution to much of what ails all of us.
Have you noticed that each time you replay a past negative experience in your head, your body reacts to it also?
When we haven't yet healed from a past insult or other unpleasant experience, including ones that happened many years ago, we're carrying that experience in our emotional body and in our physical body.
You can test this easily. When you're aware that you're replaying a disagreement or something else that upset you, notice what your body is doing. Is part of it tense, heavy? Notice where in your body you're reacting. Note how it feels. What's the difference between before and after the negative thought?
Can you see that replaying negativity is continuing to harm you? Some things are more difficult to heal than others, but do you see how important it is to do the inner work surrounding that issue? Stress plays a huge role in creating illness.
If you continue to react to something over and over, there are many questions to ask yourself so you can identify the original source of your reaction. You owe it to yourself to investigate.
The frustration of wanting something you don’t have can overwhelm your life.
Often, we believe we want a thing – a better job, a relationship, more money or our own house. We’ve been taught that these things will give us a "better life."
But we’re really after something intangible. We want security, belonging, love, to feel seen and heard and accepted for who we are. We want to leave our mark on the world, to contribute. And these intangibles don’t come from jobs or possessions or a high net worth.
Until we realize that, and learn the true sources of living a contented life, we feel trapped and frustrated. That invisible brick wall keeping us from happiness causes continued mental anguish for us and can harm our physical health as well.
What can you do? There’s no simple solution, but there is a solution. It involves opening up to something new. If the old ways of doing things aren’t giving you the happiness you want, you must try something new.
First, define happiness. Do you know what you really want? If you want one of the things I mentioned above, try going deeper. What intangibles will it give you?
The answers to these questions come from self-reflection and exploring and asking Source/Universe/God/Your Term to show you how to search.
Then, pay attention. Remember that you want new ways of looking at the world. So be open to subtle messages or to messages that arrive in unexpected ways. Through a song, a thought, a stranger’s comment. Listen to your heart.
Keep exploring. Keep acting on those messages. And that means you're no longer trapped because you're actively searching. That’s the solution that’s worked for me and I still use it.
In the past, I was so anxious for my life to be different. I could sense that I just needed to overcome some unseen but huge hurdle blocking my progress. I felt it would be like flipping a switch. Once I was on the other side of the giant blockage in my path, I'd be free.
Fast forward many years, and I'm mostly free. But it happened in stages, not in one giant leap. Some people experience a single event that changes their life dramatically, but for most of us, there may be something that sparks the change, but the actual process of change takes time.
And that's okay. If we can be patient and view change as a life-long adventure, then it'll be easier to navigate the ups and downs and distractions. Think of change as the background and support for all that happens. We can learn to flow with it by increasing our awareness and being open to new ways. We can learn to trust that Source is there to guide us, if we'll allow it to.
Because we fear so much, we cling to what we know. But if we'll just try to trust in what we cannot see, there will be signs for us to follow. If we'll just try to tone down our expectations and our rules for the way things must be, there will be invitations to explore something we hadn't considered before.
The external world is loud and forceful and relentless. Our inner world, underneath all the protective measures we've created, is quiet and subtle and calm. When we're ready, we just have to take the next step.
There are many reasons why your parents may not have given you what you needed.
But now that you're an adult, it's up to you to become the parent to your inner child that you needed years ago. Whatever your relationship with your parents now, you have to be responsible for your wellbeing. And that takes a willingness to clearly see yourself, them and how you interact.
Responsibility for your wellbeing means that you're honest and accountable to yourself - and they are accountable to themselves as well. Disentangling from past influences can be difficult and time-consuming, but that's how you free yourself from damaging beliefs.
So begin by answering these questions: what do you want to give your inner child? As parent to a fearful and vulnerable child, do you know how to give them what they need?
On this day, December 21, 2020, not only is it the Winter Solstice (in the northern hemisphere), but Jupiter and Saturn are closer to each other than at any time in the previous 400 years. If you read online, there are many discussions of this event with varying timelines. Some are calling it the Christmas Star.
Astrologically, this conjunction begins a transformational shift in consciousness. We've already seen old, abusive structures being exposed and broken up to make way for more compassion and cooperation.
One of my favorite things is waking early and sitting in the darkness and quiet. On days when I'm up that early, my practice is to light a candle, make coffee or tea and to sit next to the window covered with a throw and with the blinds and curtains open.
As I watch clouds form and change shape and move across the dark sky, I'm free to think about what I'm learning from my readings, my interactions with people and even from TV series or films. In addition to formal meditation, which I do less often these days, I like to sit in the quiet and allow thoughts and feelings to come into my consciousness. Without daytime distractions, the results of new information and experiences combining with older ones present themself to me.
Being highly sensitive and easily distracted, these times when it takes less effort to avoid all the things that stimulate my senses are so valuable. Thoughts, of course, always intrude, but it's easier to manage them.
Covid has changed the daily routine for so many of us. I hope you've found a way to give yourself some peace and quiet to enjoy in whatever ways are possible for you.
In my opinion, he explains intangible concepts better than anyone else I've listened to or read. But please - watch this video from 2013 - it's an hour and a half - and decide for yourself.
It's filled with information on our identity, our thoughts and so much more. He connects western and eastern religions and spirituality. He connects modern science and spirituality.
He lets us know that meditation is not the only way to understand your inner self and to practice being in the present moment rather than reliving your past or thinking of the future. He suggests using simple every day activities such as washing your hands (how appropriate that is in 2020!) and waiting in line as ways to place your full attention on the present and realize how pleasant they can be.
Whether you're new to inner growth or not, I hope you'll find this talk beneficial.
It's called: Conversations on Compassion with Echkart Tolle and is found here -